Lonely Mac Geek

Okay, this is getting really weird.

Three times now have I met a girl who’s hung up on their last date/boyfriend/whatever and thus isn’t interested in dating or a relationship with me. While I understand the feeling, I can’t help but think that they’ll never get over it unless they put at least some effort into putting in the motions towards moving on.

At least I know it helps me out when I’m feeling unrequited feelings toward someone to try move on by dating someone else even if I might not feel like it at first. The first date you might still feel awkward, still being pulled away by that old special someone, but over time you get to enjoying the new experiences.

One thing I learned is also that moving on doesn’t mean you have to forget those behind you. Each person you’ve been with in the past stays with you forever, a part of you defined through another, in a sense. So even though I can never replace someone’s ex-boyfriend in the exact same way, I can offer new experiences and feelings never felt before.

While I know it’s unfair and illogical for me to think this, the rejection by another claiming they’re still hung up on their ex comes across as a personal attack along the lines of “You’re not worth the risk. You’ll end up breaking my heart the same way he did. You’ll never be as good as he was.” They say they don’t want to risk hurting me, but by denying me a chance in the first place I feel like they’re hurting me all the same.

What’s really weird is that the whole time they’re saying they don’t want a relationship, they lead me on, over and over again. They treat me as if I already was their boyfriend, just to pull away again. It’s like one part of them wants to be with me, the other wants no part of me.

Initially, I was feeling like the traditional stereotypical “men don’t commit” archetype is merely in a reverse position of “women don’t commit” these days, where they want all the benefits of having a committed me without me getting a committed them, but I’m realizing now that there’s something deeper here. Something about insecurities and hopelessness. Something about fears and anxieties. Something about not moving forward, not taking chances.

Every day, I try my best to not be like that, and all I ask of others is that they do so as well.

Either that or it’s all some great conspiracy/excuse to hide the fact that they’re not attracted to me in the least bit. Their leading me on is merely their vice to torment me thus.